Week 31

I snapped this picture trying on that skirt today, but decided against buying it. 

How far along:  31 weeks 

Sleep: 

Well for one i'm writing this post at three in the morning (Hawaii time) because I can't seem to sleep.  My son still likes to get very active around two in the morning and wake me up by roundhouse kicking my ribs and bouncing on my bladder.

Symptoms I have: 

Sore ribs, my son likes to kick and hang around the right underside of my ribs

I've been craving more unhealthy things lately. :( have to fight the urge

I'm finding it harder to suck down oxygen.  I can breathe fine and everything but it feels like I have to work so much harder to do so.

Still having the itchy belly, especially at night.  Not sure why its so much worse at night time but it really is.

Maternity clothes:
None.  As much as i'd love to buy stretchy clothes I keep telling myself that I really don't have very far to go and that I should just deal with it till than.

Cravings: 

Burrito.  Ice Cream.

Dimensions: 

39 inches around. 

Pre-pregnancy dimensions for my waist was 19 inches around.

Note: Doc said to watch the weight gain, I only have 5 lbs left of leeway between now and when I give birth.

Movement: 

Oh man he's very active.  I really love i though.  I love to feel his little body moving around inside me.  I've been enjoying the time I have lately to just sit down and talk to him.  My little mans a very good listener and sometimes I really do feel like he's trying to cheer me up from the inside.

Belly button: I'm an outie.  No stretch marks.  

Best moments of the week: 
This week was actually quite eventful for me.  There were a handful of good moments, like going to the car expo with my hubs.

My cousin coming over to do my toe nails

Stopping by the Kapolei house to visit my family

Meeting Shelbys new bundle of joy.

Going over my birth plan with my doctor and finding out that I can pretty much have the perfect birth that I want to have.

I treated myself to Starbucks (decaf of course) with the groupon that came out

Met up with some old friends at Victoria's baby shower

Got myself a few treats, like I ordered a diaper bag and mini flat iron (with a groupon and coupon)

But honestly, all in all this has been a really difficult week for me emotionally.  

Thing that need to get done:

Baby shower, but given the circumstances of this past week I really don't feel like planning it anymore.

Bri's wedding which is tomorrow

Pick up my check

Do nothing for Easter

Thoughts:

Emotionally i'm feeling drained, which all in all makes me want to crawl up into a hole and alienate myself.  However, I know from experience that this never ever helps anything but rather makes things worse.  I'm not really sure how to fix the errors and bumps in my life but I do know that i'm supposed to keep trudging along.  I'm going to make time this week to interact with people.

Also, I'm feeling quite lonely.  I spend a whole lot of time alone since i'm not working anymore and beyond that I'm just feeling emotionally and spiritually disconnected.

I'm finding that on this quest to motherhood, I'm looking back at my own upraising and finding that I miss my own mama terribly.  And my sister. I'm reminded about the importance of having a mama and how much love they surround you with from the moment you enter this world.  My mama would fight off a sea of monsters and hoards of lions for my sister and myself.

I know that this journey to build my own family with my husband is in every way just that, a journey with my husband but as I realize how much we've grown up I can't help but to look over my shoulder a little and miss the last chapters of my life a bit.

The book of my life is filled to the brim with wonderful memories and heart warming tales.

I'm discovering that as time goes on i'm finding less beauty in the monotony of the every day.

This last sentence, that is something that I am going to work on for life.  Finding the beauty in everything; things that seem mundane usually aren't because everything and everyone has a story.

I am feeling so lost right now.