Breastfeeding 101

Yesterday I was reading through a forum about "stupidest things people say to a breastfeeding/pregnant/postpartum woman" frankly it got me thinking about a particularly irritating experience of my own.

The day after I had my son we were in the recovery wing rooming in with our son.  One of the post partum nurses that came in to check on me told me that I shouldn't let my son use the boob as a pacifier and that I should put him on a feeding schedule.  At the time, I didn't know any better and neither did my husband.  My husband took her advice to heart and insisted that I put him on a schedule, however my gut feeling wouldn't let me do it so I ended up nursing him on demand from the get go.  Once I went home I did a ton of research on breastfeeding and low and behold it turns out that letting baby suckle at the breast is the most important thing to do especially in the first few days because the suckling is what signals my body to produce milk.

Breastfeeding is all supply and demand so therefore it is SO very important that baby is allowed to nurse constantly even if its non-nutritive sucking.  Matter of fact I didn't realize till yesterday the gravity of what the nurses comment could've made on various mothers.  She very well could've destroyed the nursing relationship of other women that had come through that particular ward.

I've been considering filing a complaint to the hospital because her attitude is very unsupportive for a postpartum nurse.

Anyway, I tend to give a whole lot of advice on breastfeeding, especially for women in the beginning stages.  I'm just going to go ahead and give some personal advice and answer some faq that I tend to come across often.

BIRTH
To set yourself up for the best possible breastfeeding relationship it would be ideal to have a natural birth because that way your baby won't be drugged and he/she will be completely alert.  While i'm not going to go into it here, natural childbirth allows a ton of oxytocin to be pumping through mom and baby.  Oxytocin is the "love" hormone and it is also the hormone that surges during "let-down" or when your breast let down milk.

*note: when I refer to natural childbirth I'm referring to a completely unmedicated labor, not only the lack of an epidural.  I mean refusing pitocin, narcotics, epidurals, stripping of the membranes, etc.

It is best after baby is born to have baby put directly on the center of mamas naked chest without being wiped down.  Ideally the cord should be cut after its stopped pulsating unless of course you have   Babies instinctively crawl towards the breast on their own time whether it be a few minutes or an entire hour.  The most important part is to allow baby to latch themselves unto the boob and allow them to suckle for as long as they'd like too.

A common misunderstood thought by many mothers who had given up on breastfeeding is that they were not producing enough milk.  Statistically only 2% of mothers really have a hormonal issue that doesn't allow them to produce milk.  During the first three days or so mama is only producing colostrum which is high nutrients and thick.  There is very little colostrum but baby doesn't need much in the beginning being that his tummy is very very tiny. It is normal for baby to lose a little weight in the first few days before mamas milk comes in, often with engorgement, till 4-7 days later.

For instance my son was born at 6 lbs 12.8 ounces and dropped down to 6 lbs 4  ounces three days after birth.  Once my milk came in he gained weight like crazy, putting on more than a pound a month.  I now have a six month old 20 lbs boy.

THE FIRST EIGHT WEEKS
The first eight weeks of breastfeeding are the hardest but I promise that it gets a whole lot easier once the breastfeeding relationship is established and the milk supply has been regulated.

FEED ON DEMAND
During this time skin-to-skin is very important with both mom and dad.  Babies sleep a whole lot during the first few weeks and it is also important to wake baby every two and a half hours to eat if he/she does not do so on their own.  In between those times it is also quite normal for baby to cluster feed or in other words be on the nipple constantly for hours at a time.  Feed on demand in order to establish your milk supply.  Honestly nothing else is needed other than time and your baby suckling for comfort and nutrition.

NIPPLE PAIN
Also for nipple pain, squeeze out some extra breastmilk, rub it on the entire areola and allow it to air dry.  DO NOT put a shirt or bra on after putting breastmilk on your nipples otherwise the moisture will only make it worse.  Honestly, the first eight weeks or so should be more or less just baby, mama and daddy so shirts can most likely be optional for the whole family.

SUGGESTIONS FOR GETTING SOME SLEEP: COSLEEPING
This is where things can get a little exhausting but one thing that helped for us as a family was cosleeping.  Cosleeping was great because I didn't have to wake up to feed my son, he just put the boob in his mouth and we were golden.  My husband actually got up with my son for all of his diaper changes in the night because I ended up having an emergency c-section (due to a placental abruption.) Cosleeping also just made sense because he grew in me for the last ten months, constantly hearing my heartbeat and snuggling in my warmth. To suddenly put him in a dark quiet place all by himself seemed mean to me and I could understand that he felt alone, scared and wanted to be with his parents.  To this day we still cosleep.  However, never ever sleep with baby if you or your partner are medicated or intoxicated.  Be sure to keep pillows/blankets to a minimum.

PUMPING...OR NOT
I highly highly suggest that in the first eight weeks while you are in the process of establishing a milk supply, to feed only straight from the boob and NOT TO PUMP.  Pumps are not that same as a baby and don't stimulate your breasts the same way in order to produce more milk.  Everyone will always say that pumping is good because it allows dad to bond, I personally don't believe that but even if you do it would be ideal to wait until your supply is steady before pumping.  Besides, there are many other ways for dad to bond with baby.  Also, the amount of milk that you are able to express from a pump DOES NOT REFLECT how much milk you are supplying.  Once again the pump is not a baby.  A baby is a million times more efficient than the pump and as long as he/she has enough poopie (at least 3) and peepee diapers (5-7) they are getting enough to eat!  When your baby comes home their stomachs are only the size of a marble, by the time they are a couple of months old they are still on the size of a small egg.
(I only pumped a few times ever and each time I only got a few ounces but I exclusively breastfeed my chubby boy)

BREASTFEEDING POSITIONS
Always let baby latch himself/herself.  Every single time they eat in the first few weeks place naked baby (only wearing diaper) on the center of mamas naked chest and allow the baby to do a breast crawl every time.  They will get a correct latch every time when you allow them to do it on their own.  Shoving your boob in their mouth is what leads to incorrect placement and painful nipple, so don't do it.  Honestly, if your baby latches correctly there should be NO pain at all during breastfeeding.  Pain means that baby is incorrectly on the boob.

DEALING WITH ENGORGEMENT 
I recommend using warm compresses and manually expressing a little bit of milk with your hands but more or less always try and have baby drain the boob.  If the engorgement is to the point where the nipple is flat and the baby is unable to latch than hand expressing some milk or pumping a little is probably necessary. However, pumping an engorged boob often makes the problem worse because it puts in another "order" of milk and tells your body to produce even more.  On the side note though, if you're trying to build up a frozen milk supply (for instance if you're planning on returning to work) than by all means take advantage of the engorgement and pump away.

I personally did some block feeding with my son in the beginning because I was engorged all the time.  Meaning that I would feed only one boob at a time and continue feeding said boob till it was empty. All in all within a three hour period he would only get one boob.  I'd switch to the next boob and only feed that boob till it was empty.  This decreases supply a bit because you end up putting in less "orders" of milk.

HOW LONG SHOULD MY BABY BE EATING?
I read a whole lot about how babies are supposed to spend a certain number of minutes on each boob and ladadadadada.  Honestly, in the beginning my babe nursed only for a few minutes on one boob at a time and was done.  The important thing to count is diaper out put.  There should be at least 3 dirty diapers and 5-7 wet diapers a day.  As baby gets older they will get more efficient at the boob and will often nurse for shorter spans of time.  Personality of the baby also goes into play here in that some babies eat quickly and some take their time, same as adults.  I used to worry that he wasn't getting enough because he only spend a few minutes at a time at the boob but he pooped and peed more than enough and was gaining weight consistently.  Now at six months he eats for twenty minute periods three times a day, when he wakes up, before each of his two naps and than one fourty minute to an hour long session before he goes to sleep for the night.  Between his "meals" he snacks whenever but never more than a couple minutes at a time.

As a side note i'd like to point out that after the first four to six weeks, ebf babies can go as long as a  week without a bowel movement.  Everything is simply absorbed into babies system.  On that note, it is very rare for breastfed babies to be constipated, but they still may cry to poop because their systems are immature yet.

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOUR BABE IS HUNGRY?
Crying is actually a really late sign of hunger.  Look for signs such as smacking of the tongue or lips, nuzzling your chest, so on and so forth.

JUST A SUGGESTION AND SIDE NOTES
I also recommend holding off on a pacifier while you're trying to establish the breastfeeding relationship.  All sucking that baby wants to do can go to benefit your milk supply.

Once the first eight weeks are over, you'll find that engorgement is rare unless you miss feedings and that you'll hardly ever feel "full."  At this point breastfeeding will be a breeze and you'll delight in the fact that you can nurse without having to wash bottles and knowing that your baby is getting the best possible start in life thanks to you and your dedication.

Overview key points:
Feed-on-demand even if it is constantly but don't allow more than 2 1/2 hours between nursing sessions
Breastmilk for nipple pain, landolin is unnecessary.
Skin-to-skin always, cosleeping is helpful
No pumping in the first eight weeks.
Count diapers not ounces!
Let baby latch himself/herself always, if baby latches themselves they will latch correctly every time.
There really isn't an ideal amount of time it should take a baby to nurse


*This post was written off of my own personal experience because I feel that there isn't much support for breastfeeding mothers especially here in Hawaii.  I'm not saying breastfeeding is the only way to go or that by doing it, your any "less than."  I know its not for everyone but its what works for me and my family.  I just feel as if society makes breastfeeding seem like an impossible unattainable fairy tale goal and it really doesn't have to be.  The only thing that mothers need is some SUPPORT.  At the end of the day that right there is the make it or break it part for most people.  My husband had to support me fully in breastfeeding for me to be able to accomplish it gracefully and he had to have my back when people would constantly ask/tell me to pump (which I obviously didn't.)

6 Months

Today my little man makes six months old.  Meaning that he has already been here by my side for half-a-year.  Needless to say, I'm kind of an emotional wreck right now.  My heart strings are being heavily pulled from both the happy and sad ends.  I'm sitting here wishing that time could pause for a second because he is just so perfect the way he is right now.  I'm working on being in the moment.  Right now I know that I am blessed.  Blessed to have a happy healthy baby who brightens my world and tugs at my heart strings.  I'm blessed to be surrounded by so much support from both our family and friends.  I'm blessed to know that as perfect as my baby is right now, as he grows, he will always be perfect to me.

Milestones:  Oh my this has been a month of growth in leaps and bounds.  You love to give mama hugs and kisses all the time; especially when you wake her up in the morning at 6 am.  You are the most loving child I have ever known.  You enjoy taking walks outside and you usually fall asleep against mamas chest.  You even started to blow raspberries all over mama and dadas tummies.  You enjoy it when mama and dada hide under the covers with you and play peek-a-boo.  You love to bite on everything, particularly your fingers (or Aunty Amber's knee.)  For the most part you were drooling waterfalls but since mama got you the teething necklace the drooling eased up and you don't have to worry about having skin irritations around your neck.  Your hair is finally starting to grow back again and thicken!  You've decided that its just about time to creep and crawl to your destination.  Mama has to be extra careful now-a-days so that you don't get anywhere unsafe.  When we put you on the bed, you like to roll over and over and over because you think its hilarious.  You can sit up all by yourself!  When you get overly tired, you get delusional and funny because you laugh at everything and anything.  You're ticklish on your tummy, neck and sometimes your feet.  When you babble sometimes it sounds like you're saying "hi" or "ma" or even "yeah."  You are so quiet and observant when we go out but when you're at home or in the car seat there is nothing that can keep you from voicing your opinions.  We love to hear everything you have to say!  You are starting to become a squirmy worm from time to time and we need to make sure to carry you very carefully because sometimes you throw yourself backwards.  You love to play with cups and straws, especially in the bath tub.  You don't know how to suck up anything from the straw but you do enjoy gnawing on them.  We've officially outgrown the infant tub this month and graduated to the big boy tub but of course mama or dada have to bathe with you.  You like to take off Aunty Cheyne and Dada's glasses.  Yesterday, you even pulled myself up to standing.  You have this habit of scratching my head and face, which drives my mama absolutely bonkers.  Mama has to cut my nails every single day.  You usually go to bed around 7 pm and wake up at 6 am with several naps in the daytime but you did go on a nap strike for a 48 hour period where you took no naps, went to sleep at 4 pm and woke up at 4 am, which mama did not appreciate.  you love to be cuddled and mama usually nurses me to sleep at night but sometimes you just cuddle up and put myself to sleep all on my own.  My nursing sessions have slowed down in frequency.  You only nurse a few times a day but for longer durations.  You think its hilarious when my mama does squats while holding me. You have a ton of toys and you love to play with all of them.  When toys are out of my reach, you always figure out how to get them.  

We went on a whole lot of different adventures this month too.  On your first Halloween you got to be a minion from despicable me and you were definitely the cutest minion ever.  We went to visit daddy's side of the family in Kapolei. We didn't do a whole lot of trick or treating but we did take you for a walk around the neighborhood and you enjoyed looking at everyone's different costumes.  Thank goodness there were minimal amounts of scary costumes that evening.  That night we spent the very first night away from home at mima's house.  Although mima, Aunty Sherri and even grandma and grandpa on daddy's side were all spending Halloween in Las Vegas. 

We went to whole lot of different parks, museums, malls and gardens with mama and dada.  We went to visits at grandma and grandpas where we had dinner with the missionaries.  We went to visits at mima's house and spent time with cousins.  We would even walk around the mall in early mornings with Aunty Suzi, Aunty Kellie and cousin Eden.  We had a few visitors this month including Aunty Dominique and Aunty Amber.  Both Aunty Kellie and Aunty Dominique went to Disney Land and brought me home cute t-shirts.  We even got to hang out at the mall one day with Aunty Shelby and my friend Chevelle.  We didn't go to the beach very much this month but hopefully mama and dada will take me more next month.

Birth Story of Ezykiel

On May 22nd at 4:13 am we welcomed into this world our son Ezykiel Kamakana'opilialoha'okumaihohonukai Okamura.  Absolutely by far the most beautiful baby I've ever seen in my life.  I can not begin to explain how overwhelmed I currently am by all of these feelings of love and adoration.

Oh and for the record I was 38 weeks and 5 days when I had him.

The Birth Story
My original birth plan was very specific and I intended on birthing my baby boy in a completely natural way. Beyond not wanting the epidural, I didn't want to be induced, I didn't want them to break my waters, strip my membranes or even give me vaginal exams.

Starting in the 37th week I began showing signs of labor, I had the bloody show, lost my mucous plug and had contractions several nights in the week that were strong enough to get me to 4 cm dilated this past Monday.  I had a whole lot of false labor that never progressed into active labor and I was constantly wondering how I would even be able to realize when I really was in labor.

On Tuesday I woke up at 7 am thinking that I had to poop but found that I couldn't really go and realized that the pains were coming in regularly.  I had a feeling that day was THE day but I didn't want to let anyone know about it just yet because I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up if it wasn't going to be true labor.  I sat down relaxed in the morning, had some raspberry tea and watched Iron Man 3 on my computer.  After the movie a couple of hours later my contractions were already coming in regularly.  They were holding steady for about a minute and were five minutes apart.  By eleven my contractions were coming in every 3-4 minutes and were lasting at least a minute and a half.  At that point I called my husband to come home from work and take me to the hospital.

After going into the hospital I caved to the first vaginal exam because they told me that they needed to see so that they could decide if they were even going to keep me in the hospital.  I was only at 5 cm and this is about 12:30 pm.

The next few hours Alex and I worked through our breathing techniques with contractions coming in at 2 minute intervals and getting stronger.  Time is already blurring to me.  Fast forward to 10 pm.  My water broke on its own while I was on the monitor and I was in agony.  Alex held me and told me to continue breathing.  (The deal was that I would be on the EFM for ten minutes than off for an hour)   At this point my contractions had no breaks in between and were so strong, I was crying.  At this point I caved into getting another vaginal exam because I needed to know if progress was being made.  I was only 6 cm at this point.

 At 11 pm I began to feel that something was very very wrong.  There was no way that I could be in this much pain for this long and not have a baby already.  My contractions had no breaks for over 3 hours.

My pain had shot from the bottom of my stomach and my lower back to the top part of my abdomen.  At this point the medical staff began to get worried.  My contractions had been non-stop for the past three hours and my baby was not handling the contractions well.

What was happening is that there were no breaks in between contractions so no blood flow to my baby and his heart rate was literally plummeting with each contraction.  It wasn't until 3:30 am did the staff realize that I was in a medical emergency.  The residents came in to the room and did one more vaginal exam where they than realized that I was loosing blood clots.  In other words my placenta had begun detaching far before my baby was ready to come out.  As of 3:30 am I was only 6 cm dilated and not progressing.  At first they tried to give me a medicine to lessen my contractions so my baby could tolerate labor, it did not help.

I would like to note here that after noticing the blood clots, the doctors panicked and wouldn't really tell me exactly what was going on, and THAT was the scariest thing because I didn't know if my baby was okay and they just kept on telling me that they needed to get the baby out NOW.  They were rushing everywhere trying to get me into an operating room and no one would talk to me, my husband was by my side one moment than gone the next.  I remember hyperventilating because I was so scared for my baby.

 At 4:02 am I went into an emergency C-section.  My babies heart rate had fallen to 80 (regular is 150) and they did not have time to put in an epidural for me to be conscious for the procedure so they gave me narcotics to put me out.  Alex was supposed to have been in the room but as he was prepping to come in, they didn't have the time to wait and they got my baby out in under ten minutes.  He was officially born at 4:13 am.

After the fact we were told that when they opened me up my baby had a huge bowel movement inside of me and had swallowed meconium.  He had been in distress since my contractions were constant with no breaks during labor and they were way to strong for him to tolerate.  I had a placental abruption meaning that the placenta detached off of the uterine wall prematurely.  Thankfully it wasn't fully detached and my son was able to still receive oxygen.

My birth experience was frightening but I am blessed to have a healthy little boy.

I woke up from surgery at 6:30 am.  My husband was by my side and I asked him why he wasn't with out son.  He had told me that they nurses had kicked him out.  I was so upset because prior to labor the doctors had promised that in all situations and causes, if I wasn't able to be present with my son, my husband should've been able to have been there. On top of that, when he was in there they didn't let my husband touch him, even though skin-to-skin with my husband would've been ideal since I was incapacitated.  Needless to say I was VERY disappointed about the way the postpartum care.

Long story short, I argued with the nurses and told them that I wanted to see my baby even if I was simply wheel chaired to the window.  I tried to get up and fell since I was so heavily drugged.  There was a ton of crying and confusion on my part, being that I had woken up with an empty stomach and no baby in sight.  It wasn't until 8:00 am that I was able to meet my son.  The nurse gave me my baby and I placed him on my chest and allowed him to do the breast crawl.  He latched after a few minutes and I remember feeling so light and perfect, the endorphins were running crazy at this point.

Meeting my son for the first time was an indescribable moment.  A time where your entire life shifts to adhere to this tiny human.  He had the biggest grey eyes I could imagine and a full head of hair.  That moment, was utter magic.


As a last note, one of the post partum nurses had told me while I was nursing my 12 hour old newborn not to let him "suckle"other wise he'll use me as a pacifier.  Which is terrible advice.  It is SO important to breastfeed on demand especially in the first three months to establish a milk supply at all.  I ended up filing a complaint against her just because that type of advice could've ruined new mothers potential nursing relationships.


Day One:

 Homecoming:

Week 3-4:

Week 38

How far along:  38 weeks  

Sleep: 
If the contractions aren't painful enough to keep me from sleep, I can actually sleep decently.  I wake up a few times for potty breaks but beyond that its okay.  I've also been having very vivid dreams lately. For instance, I dreamt that Alex and I adopted a ten year old kid....weird.

Symptoms I have: 

I've been having a whole lot of false labor.  Physically speaking, this has been a rough week for me.  Several nights this week I had crazy sore false labor.

Emotionally speaking however, this week has been much better than last week.

Okay so I've been walking the butt load lately (approx 5 miles or more at least) which has resulted in very very swollen feet/cankles/calves.

We try to go to the beach pretty much everyday to help out those swollen feet.  Alex has tried to massage them as well which is a nice gesture and feels good but doesn't do much to help the swelling.

I've been eating the ton of pineapples and trying to get the whole sex thing to work but alas, real labor has yet to start.

I can't wear a bra because I now find that it kills my back big time.

Oh man I'm emotionally unstable.  Apparently any little minuscule thing can make me cry.

I wish there were real signs that guaranteed the onset of labor.  I've lost my mucus plus/bloody show, I've dropped, I can feel my sons head bounce up and down when I walk.  I just wish it could be the real thing.

I also thought that my water bag was leaking but we got it checked out and its fully intact.  Since I had to do the exam anyway for the water bag I figured I'd have my doc check me (which wasn' t the original plan) as of Friday I was 2 cm dilated.  Its nice to know that those uncomfy nights are at least amounting to some progress.

However as a side note, I do think that this week will be the week :)

My little babe has officially passed all the dates both his mommy and daddy wanted him to pass.  He will officially not be sharing any close relative/friends birthdays and he is also now a Gemini Snake, same as his father.

Maternity clothes:
Basketball shorts and hubs shirts.  I do hope the stretch marks will fade into light lines.

Cravings: 

Pita bread w/hummus. Cinnabon Chillatas.  Ice.

Dimensions: 

40 1/2 inches around.   I'm not gaining any inches or anything around my belly.  But the fundus measurements are coming in at 38 cm.

I'm up to 150.  So therefore I've gained more than the "recommended."

Movement: 
He moves around a good amount from time to time and I enjoy it.  I find his little movements to be reassuring.  I realized that he can't move during contractions. 

Belly button:
Outie

Events of the week:
My ankles/calves and so on got quite fat the day before mothers day and my blood pressure was high as well as my blood sugars.  Therefore just to be on the safe side, we went into the hospital under doctors advice to get monitored.  I was particularly worried about preeclapmsia since my mother had it with my sister.  We went in rather late in the evening and were monitored for roughly four hours or so.  I took blood test, urine test, so on and so forth and it turns out everything was fine.  There was no protein in my urine so it was okay.

I had thought my water bag had sprung a leak on Thursday so we went in to get it checked out.  My water bag is still intact and as of than I was 2 cm dilated.  Later that same day, lost the mucus plug.

Since we were in the doctors on Thursday, my OB also decided to check my fluid levels which were all up to par but we also got to see his little face!

Mothers Day - Originally Alex had wanted to take me to watch the sunrise with some cocoa to start the day but given that we had spent the entire previous night in the hospital we decided that we would sleep in and get some rest instead.  Turns out the morning was very rainy so had we gotten up, we probably wouldn't have been able to see anything anyway.  Given the weather, we decided we'd spend parts of the day with our families so we had breakfast with his family and lunch with mine.  For dinner Alex got me some flowers and made me portobello mushrooms with asparagus and potato fries with a bottle of apple cider.  Oh and he had also gone to Liliha Bakery the day before to get us some cocoa puffs! I was a spoiled mama that day.

Briana and Donovan's going away party. - Good food. Sad to see them leave but excited for their little family to start their own adventure.

We went to my families house to troubleshoot their aquaponics system and my husband built a tent for them to shade the system.  In that time I got to hang out with my family for a little while which was really nice.  My sister really likes to feel my baby kick and will patiently rest her hand on my belly until he decides to move around.  She's super cute and I miss my sister a bunch on a day to day basis.  I thought it was funny how my sister told me that I should simply ask my son in a nice way to come out.  It just made me laugh.  Also my mother commented on how my baby will probably be dark cause "alex is super dark!" Oh man that made me laugh too, he's dark and toasty now from the sun/beach but as a baby he was a light skinned blonde little thing.

We got a new high efficiency washer and dryer which we found to be a ridiculously exciting event.

We passed the guessed due dates of half of my family at this point.

The way Alex and I count the weeks is a little different.  For instance I am currently 38 weeks and 2 days today however, since the 38th week is technically over, we count it as the 2nd day of the 39th week.  All in all its the same thing but it just makes more sense for us to think of it that way.

Oh and my belly button now points to the floor.  I'm assuming that means he has dropped even lower.  However, my mother in law keeps on insisting that I haven't dropped at all, which is irritating to say the least.

Speaking of in-laws, their planning on making us some meals for the first week home with baby which is super super thoughtful.  We have everything prepped Ezykiel, now all we need is you!

Its pretty cool to think that even if he decides to hold out to the very end I'll have him by next Friday, not this up coming one but the Friday after.

*I got Alex's bday present today :DDDD  I'm really glad I thought ahead cause I don't think I have many more opportunities to sneak out and get his surprises.  I went while he went diving with his friends.  Matter of fact, I hope he's going to be bringing home some uhu tonight. yummmm.

Looking Forward To:
Real Labor

There is quite a whole lot going on this up coming weekend with everyone around me.  I'm planning on not participating in any of it given that if I don't have a baby by that point, I am going to be extremely uncomfortable.

My family and a whole lot of family friends are going to spend the weekend camping at Malaekahana. I hope they have a blast and it seems like they're gonna have a really great time.  I wish we could go but it is SO far from the hospital and I'm praying that I'll have him by that point, meaning that my little fam would have to stay home anyway.  If I were to go into labor down there it would be the most uncomfortable drive ever and everyone would be fussing over me so it seems unnecessary.  By the way camping is my ALL TIME favorite thing to do.  As of now, I can't imagine sleeping on the floor of a tent :( Having contractions with everyone around would be weird.

On another note, the aquaponics convention is this Saturday as well.  Really, that is where my husband and I should be this weekend.  We just decided that we weren't going to invest the money into going and participating since its so close to our due date.  I've also been missing our friends from  aquaponics, Reyn, Ness, Kaika, Dex.

Tomorrow I'm going to drop by my old work to see my friend Shelby :)

This week I'd like too:
Scrub my tub and deep clean my kitchen

Wrap Alex's bday gift

Figure out what the heck we're gonna do for fathers day

Week 37

This week has honestly been a difficult week for me overall.  Time is passing very very slowly and I'm feeling very overwhelmed with a whole lot of "negative" emotions.  

*side note both my mama and my gma had all their babies on week 36 which is why I wouldn't have been surprised if my baby wanted to show up this past week.

Since this is my first baby I have no idea what real labor feels like and with that being said.....

I thought twice this week that I was going into true labor because my braxton hicks were regular, steady and some what sore.  These "false alarms" are extremely frustrating to me.  My husband isn't a very good camper about the false alarms either.  Every time I don't progress into real labor my husband gets mad at me for "playing games" with him.  

I am frustrated with these fake labor symptoms that last all day.  I am irritated that they don't progress into anything further.  I am sad because my husband makes me out to be the bad guy when the contractions taper off and I don't end up going into true labor.  I feel unsupported because my birth partner (ie Alex) gets frustrated with me so easily these days.  When I get really overwhelmed and have to cry a little bit simply because I am overwhelmed, he badgers me about crying and why its unnecessary.  Says things like "why are you crying?! nothings even happening?!" and so and so forth.  I almost feel like he believes that my own feelings aren't validated.  Like I have no right to feel down or sad or overwhelmed or lonely.  Since he's working and I'm staying home I get to do whatever I want when ever I want so therefore I should be happy happy happy.  All in all though I just feel lonely.  Like i'm in this completely on my own right now.

I understand especially now that we're coming to the end of the pregnancy that my hubs is getting stressed to the brink and beyond of providing for our family and making enough to stay home for a month with me and baby Ezykiel when he decides to make his debut.  I do get that he's overwhelmed with everything too because it is nerve wracking and stressful.

However, I don't appreciate being made to feel like less of a person because I'm not working at the moment and therefore not contributing to the household income.  (I'm a server and I got off the floor and stopped working about a month ago)

Yesterday I babysat my gf's month and half old baby.  He was everything cuddly and wonderful and I had great time.  Alex was not at all pleased that I was watching someone else's baby and kept on telling me that I was "betraying" our son and getting the other babies "scent" in our home.  Which is ridiculous but went on to say that he's worried about me staying home and raising our kids since i'm already choosing another baby over ezykiel and he's not even here yet.

I've honestly just been trying to avoid my husband as of late when he's home because the more I talk to him, the more I feel like less of a person.

I have my own stresses and I have a hard time dealing with the fact that he takes his frustrations out on me as well.

Lately, he's been belittling my pregnancy telling me that I only walked an hour and I shouldn't be tired or to "get over" my swollen feet.  He thinks all of the pregnancy symptoms, heartburn, fatigue, swelling, braxton hicks are just a result of my mind not being able to control my body.

I think I just really need a hug.  And thank goodness for this blog so that I am able to vent.

After talking to a few of my friends who are going through or have gone through similar situations, I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one whose had to deal with these end of the road changes.  Apparently guys can get stressed out too and be a little douche-y especially towards the end when the tensions are the highest.

I want to hear stories mamas, during your births what "clicked" in your head to make you realize that you were in real labor rather than false labor?

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How far along:  37 weeks  

Sleep: 

We can more or less say no sleep.  Its just an impossible thing.  Plus I've been kind of down this week which makes it even more difficult to get any rest.

Symptoms I have: 

So many symptoms.

Sore everything pretty much.   My back is always sore, particularly underneath my left shoulder blade.

Also, my lower back tends to be a bit sore as well.

My feet and ankles swell now and thats no fun.

I had a sprained ankle I had difficulty walking on half the week.

I find it frustrating that I have a hard time putting socks and shoes on my feet because my belly is in the way and I have to hold my breathe to reach my toes.  Even than I think that's in my head because holding my breathe does not make my belly any smaller at all.

Getting up and down is challenging when you have a belly that you can't breathe with and an ankle you can't stand on.  Going from the ground up by myself is near impossible.

Braxton hicks!  I'm really not sure if i'm in early labor or not because my braxton hicks for the last 24 hours have hurt in my lower back and my tummy.  I have so many contractions all the time :(

Maternity clothes:
None still, anything that will stretch

Cravings: 

Coffee.  I caved today and brew me up a cup of decaf.  I know that isn't too bad but on the other hand I really haven't even caved to decaf in forever.  I really want ice cream.

Dimensions: 

40 1/2 inches around.   I'm not gaining any inches or anything around my belly.  But the fundus measurements are coming in at 38 cm.

No idea about the weight gain-age.  I've never owned a scale and since my doc has been out this week I didn't go in for a check up.

Movement: 
I was under the impression that his movements were supposed to have slowed down now that he's so big and there isn't much room.  However he's only getting more and more active on a consistent basis.

Belly button: I'm an outie.  Trying to keep the stretch marks under control.

Best moments of the week:

Even though I sprained my ankle hiking last weekend, I really enjoyed it.  One thing I've missed a whole lot during the third trimester especially is hiking.  By the way everyone who passed us on that hike thought I was crazy and berated my husband for even allowing me to do such a thing this far along.

After hiking we even stopped by the most delicious bakery known to man (Liliha Bakery) and got some cocoa pufs which have chantilly on the top and chocolate custard in the middle.

We finally came up with a name for our son.  His first name is going to be Ezykiel.  I'll announce his full name and the meaning behind it when he decides to come.

sleepytime

ignore me but check out that baby yawn 

I watched my gf's baby yesterday and my oh my he was the cutest little thing.

My family has been really great and they've dropped off lunch to me several times this week.

Haleiwa Joes was a delicious brunch to celebrate boys day and I even got to bring home some of the extra decaf tea bags from the hot tea we all ordered.

Today is also my mamas bf's birthday! He's pretty much the father figure in our lives :)

Looking forward too:
Briana and Donovan's going away party on Saturday.  Although I'm pretty bummed that they are leaving so soon but on the other hand I'm really excited for Briana and her little family to start out there lives else where.

Mother Day is this Sunday.  I really have no idea what I'm going to do that day.  I'm going to assume Alex isn't going to do anything for me given that I have not yet had the baby so i'm really not sure if I qualify as a "mother" in his eyes quite yet.  Although I know that I'm a mother, I've only grown this little babe in me for the last ten months.  Besides its better to be pleasantly surprised if he does do something rather than be disappointed if he doesn't.  I need to figure out a way to show the mamas in my life that their seriously loved.  Challenge is going to be doing that with pretty much no money on hand.

Having this baby.  I don't feel like he's going to show up till next week though.  My exact guess is actually next week Friday the 17th.

Side Notes:

This past Saturday Alex and I decided to go on hike up Manoa Falls.  Mind you, we are avid hikers on a regular basis but being super duper pregnant I haven't really done a hike in the last few months.  Anyway, as far as memory serves me, this particular hike should've been the easiest hike in the history of man kind.  My oh my being nine months pregnant changed things around a bit for me.  I was actually super tired even though I made it without problem.  However, my ankles got super duper swollen in my hiking boots. :(   Although I didn't twist my right ankle, it feels sprained because the ligaments are hurting a whole lot and the swelling will not go down.

Updating about an entire week on here is a bit much.  I think I might switch up to doing two posts a week instead of one.

Already by the end of writing this all down I feel a million times better.  Other things that helped this morning brighten up include an early morning walk, a cup of decaf coffee, talking to my gf Victoria :)