This week has honestly been a difficult week for me overall. Time is passing very very slowly and I'm feeling very overwhelmed with a whole lot of "negative" emotions.
*side note both my mama and my gma had all their babies on week 36 which is why I wouldn't have been surprised if my baby wanted to show up this past week.
Since this is my first baby I have no idea what real labor feels like and with that being said.....
I thought twice this week that I was going into true labor because my braxton hicks were regular, steady and some what sore. These "false alarms" are extremely frustrating to me. My husband isn't a very good camper about the false alarms either. Every time I don't progress into real labor my husband gets mad at me for "playing games" with him.
I am frustrated with these fake labor symptoms that last all day. I am irritated that they don't progress into anything further. I am sad because my husband makes me out to be the bad guy when the contractions taper off and I don't end up going into true labor. I feel unsupported because my birth partner (ie Alex) gets frustrated with me so easily these days. When I get really overwhelmed and have to cry a little bit simply because I am overwhelmed, he badgers me about crying and why its unnecessary. Says things like "why are you crying?! nothings even happening?!" and so and so forth. I almost feel like he believes that my own feelings aren't validated. Like I have no right to feel down or sad or overwhelmed or lonely. Since he's working and I'm staying home I get to do whatever I want when ever I want so therefore I should be happy happy happy. All in all though I just feel lonely. Like i'm in this completely on my own right now.
I understand especially now that we're coming to the end of the pregnancy that my hubs is getting stressed to the brink and beyond of providing for our family and making enough to stay home for a month with me and baby Ezykiel when he decides to make his debut. I do get that he's overwhelmed with everything too because it is nerve wracking and stressful.
However, I don't appreciate being made to feel like less of a person because I'm not working at the moment and therefore not contributing to the household income. (I'm a server and I got off the floor and stopped working about a month ago)
Yesterday I babysat my gf's month and half old baby. He was everything cuddly and wonderful and I had great time. Alex was not at all pleased that I was watching someone else's baby and kept on telling me that I was "betraying" our son and getting the other babies "scent" in our home. Which is ridiculous but went on to say that he's worried about me staying home and raising our kids since i'm already choosing another baby over ezykiel and he's not even here yet.
I've honestly just been trying to avoid my husband as of late when he's home because the more I talk to him, the more I feel like less of a person.
I have my own stresses and I have a hard time dealing with the fact that he takes his frustrations out on me as well.
Lately, he's been belittling my pregnancy telling me that I only walked an hour and I shouldn't be tired or to "get over" my swollen feet. He thinks all of the pregnancy symptoms, heartburn, fatigue, swelling, braxton hicks are just a result of my mind not being able to control my body.
I think I just really need a hug. And thank goodness for this blog so that I am able to vent.
After talking to a few of my friends who are going through or have gone through similar situations, I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one whose had to deal with these end of the road changes. Apparently guys can get stressed out too and be a little douche-y especially towards the end when the tensions are the highest.
I want to hear stories mamas, during your births what "clicked" in your head to make you realize that you were in real labor rather than false labor?
______________________________________________________________________
How far along: 37 weeks
*side note both my mama and my gma had all their babies on week 36 which is why I wouldn't have been surprised if my baby wanted to show up this past week.
Since this is my first baby I have no idea what real labor feels like and with that being said.....
I thought twice this week that I was going into true labor because my braxton hicks were regular, steady and some what sore. These "false alarms" are extremely frustrating to me. My husband isn't a very good camper about the false alarms either. Every time I don't progress into real labor my husband gets mad at me for "playing games" with him.
I am frustrated with these fake labor symptoms that last all day. I am irritated that they don't progress into anything further. I am sad because my husband makes me out to be the bad guy when the contractions taper off and I don't end up going into true labor. I feel unsupported because my birth partner (ie Alex) gets frustrated with me so easily these days. When I get really overwhelmed and have to cry a little bit simply because I am overwhelmed, he badgers me about crying and why its unnecessary. Says things like "why are you crying?! nothings even happening?!" and so and so forth. I almost feel like he believes that my own feelings aren't validated. Like I have no right to feel down or sad or overwhelmed or lonely. Since he's working and I'm staying home I get to do whatever I want when ever I want so therefore I should be happy happy happy. All in all though I just feel lonely. Like i'm in this completely on my own right now.
I understand especially now that we're coming to the end of the pregnancy that my hubs is getting stressed to the brink and beyond of providing for our family and making enough to stay home for a month with me and baby Ezykiel when he decides to make his debut. I do get that he's overwhelmed with everything too because it is nerve wracking and stressful.
However, I don't appreciate being made to feel like less of a person because I'm not working at the moment and therefore not contributing to the household income. (I'm a server and I got off the floor and stopped working about a month ago)
Yesterday I babysat my gf's month and half old baby. He was everything cuddly and wonderful and I had great time. Alex was not at all pleased that I was watching someone else's baby and kept on telling me that I was "betraying" our son and getting the other babies "scent" in our home. Which is ridiculous but went on to say that he's worried about me staying home and raising our kids since i'm already choosing another baby over ezykiel and he's not even here yet.
I've honestly just been trying to avoid my husband as of late when he's home because the more I talk to him, the more I feel like less of a person.
I have my own stresses and I have a hard time dealing with the fact that he takes his frustrations out on me as well.
Lately, he's been belittling my pregnancy telling me that I only walked an hour and I shouldn't be tired or to "get over" my swollen feet. He thinks all of the pregnancy symptoms, heartburn, fatigue, swelling, braxton hicks are just a result of my mind not being able to control my body.
I think I just really need a hug. And thank goodness for this blog so that I am able to vent.
After talking to a few of my friends who are going through or have gone through similar situations, I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one whose had to deal with these end of the road changes. Apparently guys can get stressed out too and be a little douche-y especially towards the end when the tensions are the highest.
I want to hear stories mamas, during your births what "clicked" in your head to make you realize that you were in real labor rather than false labor?
______________________________________________________________________
How far along: 37 weeks
Sleep:
We can more or less say no sleep. Its just an impossible thing. Plus I've been kind of down this week which makes it even more difficult to get any rest.
Symptoms I have:
So many symptoms.
Sore everything pretty much. My back is always sore, particularly underneath my left shoulder blade.
Also, my lower back tends to be a bit sore as well.
My feet and ankles swell now and thats no fun.
I had a sprained ankle I had difficulty walking on half the week.
I find it frustrating that I have a hard time putting socks and shoes on my feet because my belly is in the way and I have to hold my breathe to reach my toes. Even than I think that's in my head because holding my breathe does not make my belly any smaller at all.
Getting up and down is challenging when you have a belly that you can't breathe with and an ankle you can't stand on. Going from the ground up by myself is near impossible.
Braxton hicks! I'm really not sure if i'm in early labor or not because my braxton hicks for the last 24 hours have hurt in my lower back and my tummy. I have so many contractions all the time :(
Maternity clothes:
None still, anything that will stretch
None still, anything that will stretch
Cravings:
Coffee. I caved today and brew me up a cup of decaf. I know that isn't too bad but on the other hand I really haven't even caved to decaf in forever. I really want ice cream.
Dimensions:
40 1/2 inches around. I'm not gaining any inches or anything around my belly. But the fundus measurements are coming in at 38 cm.
No idea about the weight gain-age. I've never owned a scale and since my doc has been out this week I didn't go in for a check up.
Movement:
I was under the impression that his movements were supposed to have slowed down now that he's so big and there isn't much room. However he's only getting more and more active on a consistent basis.
I was under the impression that his movements were supposed to have slowed down now that he's so big and there isn't much room. However he's only getting more and more active on a consistent basis.
Belly button: I'm an outie. Trying to keep the stretch marks under control.
Best moments of the week:
Even though I sprained my ankle hiking last weekend, I really enjoyed it. One thing I've missed a whole lot during the third trimester especially is hiking. By the way everyone who passed us on that hike thought I was crazy and berated my husband for even allowing me to do such a thing this far along.
After hiking we even stopped by the most delicious bakery known to man (Liliha Bakery) and got some cocoa pufs which have chantilly on the top and chocolate custard in the middle.
We finally came up with a name for our son. His first name is going to be Ezykiel. I'll announce his full name and the meaning behind it when he decides to come.
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| sleepytime |
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| ignore me but check out that baby yawn |
I watched my gf's baby yesterday and my oh my he was the cutest little thing.
My family has been really great and they've dropped off lunch to me several times this week.
Haleiwa Joes was a delicious brunch to celebrate boys day and I even got to bring home some of the extra decaf tea bags from the hot tea we all ordered.
Today is also my mamas bf's birthday! He's pretty much the father figure in our lives :)
Looking forward too:
Briana and Donovan's going away party on Saturday. Although I'm pretty bummed that they are leaving so soon but on the other hand I'm really excited for Briana and her little family to start out there lives else where.
Mother Day is this Sunday. I really have no idea what I'm going to do that day. I'm going to assume Alex isn't going to do anything for me given that I have not yet had the baby so i'm really not sure if I qualify as a "mother" in his eyes quite yet. Although I know that I'm a mother, I've only grown this little babe in me for the last ten months. Besides its better to be pleasantly surprised if he does do something rather than be disappointed if he doesn't. I need to figure out a way to show the mamas in my life that their seriously loved. Challenge is going to be doing that with pretty much no money on hand.
Having this baby. I don't feel like he's going to show up till next week though. My exact guess is actually next week Friday the 17th.
Briana and Donovan's going away party on Saturday. Although I'm pretty bummed that they are leaving so soon but on the other hand I'm really excited for Briana and her little family to start out there lives else where.
Mother Day is this Sunday. I really have no idea what I'm going to do that day. I'm going to assume Alex isn't going to do anything for me given that I have not yet had the baby so i'm really not sure if I qualify as a "mother" in his eyes quite yet. Although I know that I'm a mother, I've only grown this little babe in me for the last ten months. Besides its better to be pleasantly surprised if he does do something rather than be disappointed if he doesn't. I need to figure out a way to show the mamas in my life that their seriously loved. Challenge is going to be doing that with pretty much no money on hand.
Having this baby. I don't feel like he's going to show up till next week though. My exact guess is actually next week Friday the 17th.
Side Notes:
This past Saturday Alex and I decided to go on hike up Manoa Falls. Mind you, we are avid hikers on a regular basis but being super duper pregnant I haven't really done a hike in the last few months. Anyway, as far as memory serves me, this particular hike should've been the easiest hike in the history of man kind. My oh my being nine months pregnant changed things around a bit for me. I was actually super tired even though I made it without problem. However, my ankles got super duper swollen in my hiking boots. :( Although I didn't twist my right ankle, it feels sprained because the ligaments are hurting a whole lot and the swelling will not go down.
Updating about an entire week on here is a bit much. I think I might switch up to doing two posts a week instead of one.
Already by the end of writing this all down I feel a million times better. Other things that helped this morning brighten up include an early morning walk, a cup of decaf coffee, talking to my gf Victoria :)
Updating about an entire week on here is a bit much. I think I might switch up to doing two posts a week instead of one.
Already by the end of writing this all down I feel a million times better. Other things that helped this morning brighten up include an early morning walk, a cup of decaf coffee, talking to my gf Victoria :)
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